How to (Really) Choose A Profession

It's a question everyone asks themselves when they first play Guild Wars 2.  You can have every little part of your character mapped out, log in, and that whole plan can be thrown immediately out the window.  The whole process is actually very simple, but you need to account for the game being an MMO.  Balance is in constant flux, one day you may have a God-like build and the next you may be sitting low on the totem pole.  So how do you resist the urge to switch and cave in to your "grass is always greener" syndrome?  Well to start, you need to find a profession that you can enjoy through the thick and thin, and the best way to do this is to like them.  You can't just like a specific weapon, or "that flashy skill", you have to really, truly like them.  Warts and all.  Yes, even when their old and wrinkled as a prune.  Now it may be sounding like I'm describing love, and you would be correct.  If you want to choose that single character, the main profession for several years, you are going to have to love them.

 Here's a list of why you should not choose each profession.

1.  Necromancers.  You need to be enthusiastic towards all things dead and ugly.  Go to your nearest shelter and pick up the ugly three legged dog that you know is about to be euthanized. Strike that.  Let it be euthanized, and than pick it up.   Your minions are ugly, your staff turns into a scythe, your constantly enveloping yourself and others in diseases, and you like to wave around conditions.  You probably will not be invited to that many parties either.  No one enjoys socializing with the brooding, serious type.  But if you truly are a necro, than you probably don't want to be seen with others anyway.

2.  Guardians.  Support.  They are really synonyms to each other.  You like to envelop yourself in blue flame branding about a greatsword, yelling about encouraging your allies, while actually doing nothing. If something goes wrong, blame it on the warrior for doing no damage.  If that doesn't sound immediately boring to you, than the guardian may be right for you.

3.  Mesmers.  The color purple.  And no, I'm not talking about the book.  You need to feel it, eat with it, sleep with it.  It is your religion and sole purpose in life.  Oh yeah, and you need to like your body.  With that many illusions around, you have to be able to look in a mirror and say, "Damn!"  And I mean that in a good way.  You do not want to see the statistics of suicide rates for ugly mesmers.

4.  Rangers.  Well I'll flat out say it, you can't be a charr.  Besides the whole lore differential with the war machines and your industrial wasteland of a city, you are a damned cat.  A cat can't rule over a dog.  That would just be silly.  Oh yeah, you also have to seriously love your pets.  And by loving your pets, I don't just mean the good times.  I mean having to clean up their poop.  And by their poop, I mean reviving them, constantly. They die alot.  So get used to crying or better yet, just don't get attached.

5.  Engineers.  Instead of avoiding the charr, avoid the sylvari.  No, don't try to be that special, (and by special, we all know the appropriate word I'm trying to use) snowflake who runs around as a plant wielding a flamethrower.  You also really have to like explosives and that whole steampunk thing.  Yeah...I don't get it either.  Drop mines, shoot guns, throw grenades...if you come away with a grin on your face....than maybe the elixir-drinking thugs are right for you.  Trust me, engineers....we all know what's really in those elixirs.

6.  Warriors.  Hulk...SMASH.  Fine, maybe I'm being a little simplistic.  Your right, anything else would just be simply a lie.  But, if you really are a warrior than you would probably be ignorant enough (warranting you can read) to fall for my seductive prose.  Yes, they are fine specimens hyped up on whatever steroids the engie's gave them.  They do lots of burst damage, and like to support the occasional ally with shouts and banners.  It's almost like they wanted to be guardian's but failed to pass their exams in grade school.

7.  Thieves.  The dark and slippery type.  Half the time your opponents won't know where you are...but here's the secret, neither do you. Stealth, shadowstepping, teleporting, dodging, evasive retreating, and tied with being the fastest profession in the game.  You need to like running, more than that Ethiopian marathon runner you watched on the Olympics last week.  You have more mobility than they can shake a stick at (not really sure what that metaphor means either)...oh and  you like to steal things.    I've always personally liked to steal from rangers, because I've always felt I've had a green thumb.  You just plant a little stolen seed, give it time and some water from an ele, and wooolah, you have a beautiful, healing tree.  You can do more planting than the fricken Lorax.

8.  Elementalists.  Avatar.  And no, I'm not talking about James Cameron's flick.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, than get the hell off my blog.  Fine, stay....I'll do my best to educate you.  You wield fire, air, water, earth....you are destined to restore balance to the world....You need to like to swap different attunements.  Many argue that takes skill, I just like to swap to fire rapidly press 1 through 5, swap to air, and repeat the processs.  Once achieved, pray that whatever was following you is dead.  Here's a hint, it usually works.  Some of the more scholarly among you will try to argue with me.  Don't believe their lies...they just read too many Harry Potter books.